Glen in Africa

www.glenstravels.wordpress.com

receive the same love

i'm happy and i'm okay. i think allowing myself to be that way was one of the most important steps to getting there in the first place. sometimes i don't want to question it.

i don't have a fancy camera and tripod (yet)
but here are the fireworks from last night anyway

[i've decided to keep an injection count. since last monday, i've had 11 needles go through my skin. 4 for africa, 7 so far for anesthetic. 4 more anesthetic jabs on monday from dr. dentist.]

"i hate monkey"

...

(anita), nayeon, sun, hyun woo, boram
the wonderful koreans i have gotten to know

filler

I think it'd be beneficial for me to write more, and I'd like to, but I simply have not made the time to do so.
Everyday I seem to think so much happens, and so much does, but really nothing much happened at all.
For example, today was a difficult day, and it was filled with important events, but after giving it some thought, the day is over, and a new day begins in one and a half hours. Certainly today has repercussions for tomorrow, next week, and the week after that. But... what am I trying to say?

I come home at night and wish I had someone to talk to, to off-load my thoughts and stresses, to share in others' issues, to have someone to eat with. Being out a lot with other people lately just hasn't been the same as having someone to come home to.

Talking to someone else really does put things in perspective. Most of the time, it just makes you realize how ridiculous you're being, and how mountaneous your little anthills have been made out to be.

Ultimately, we have every reason to be encouraged. Will share more later...

I typed "bless" into i-tunes and came up with a beautiful playlist. Praise God.

NO TIME FOR CYNICISM

He says it’s impossible, but I know it’s possible.
I was sitting in the leather swivel chair when he said to me, “you have to keep an open mind,” all the while running his scissors and fingers through my dampened hair. And while he was speaking of physical style and look, his statement eventually resonated with something beyond what is typically reached with such a cliché. An open mind requires you to close your mind to certain things. In an attempt to stop evading confrontation through cryptic language, I will spell it out here: doubt, denial, hopelessness, insecurity, hatred. I used to think growing up was learning how to be a child again. Now it’s clearer to me that what lies beyond that is so much more affirming and real. We must move from carelessness and supposed innocence to recognition and repentance to bravely move forward. Junji, you have taught me a lesson through hair without knowing it. Thank you.

I need to tell you all the pain he’s caused.
I’ve been pulling off ~50 hour work weeks and weekends. When I talk to mama (Chan), she never fails to remind me of how I would beg (read: force) Pina to buy me ice cream from Apu Shop when I was 6-8. More than a decade later, it doesn’t hurt to be reminded, because I’m still doing it. And I don’t even know what the ice cream is really for. Managing three jobs has been doable, but certainly not easy. I’m sincerely sorry for being able to give more of myself more freely. I want so much to do so, to be taken in full and in honesty. Mel and Sarah left the apartment, leaving me to empty rooms and relative silence. Because of work, I’m only back there to eat at night and sleep. I say I’m so tired because it’s so evident. But I’m glad for the opportunity to stay busy, to stay occupied. Let me step back for a moment so I can appreciate what I’ve been blessed with. Truly.

I want to understand the meaning of your embrace.
I have met such amazing people. I have met people. For too long I’ve been led by a Caufield-esque attitude of disillusionment and doubt. Real people are phony and phony people are real. Sometimes it’s as simple as love. But/and I don’t understand it. Perhaps the greatest element of one of my jobs has been the opportunity to learn precisely about this. Ultimately I think I made the right decisions, because there really are no wrong decisions. I’m learning, God I pray I’m learning.

I need to tell you I’m undone because…
I’ve written thousands of words only to click and drag them into the virtual recycling bin. Chatting with Hannah the other day, two thoughts primarily ran through my mind. First, I’m sorry. Second, I miss having someone to talk to about things that I would otherwise never talk or openly think about. I’ve been surviving in the middle, particularly for the past two years. I resorted to not thinking about it in order to float above despair. And it’s worked, for the most part. But I want more, and believe I deserve and need more. We all do! At least someone else in my vicinity does, and that someone else, I believe, will share in the journey honestly with me. Maybe? More people, more vulnerability please.

There is so much to do, more than ever before.

the best songs are the simplest.
Listening to: Lauryn Hill – Peace of Mind

has anyone thought of cape verde?

I'm out everyday, only to return to eat and sleep.
I've been wanting to write something and nicely package the happenings that I've experienced in the past few weeks, but I'm realizing that keeping up with life is exhausting. So if there is any update, it is that I'm tired.
This week I am going to try to keep up to pace with responsibilities. In the meantime I will try not to think too much about everything.