1. for granted

In convincing myself that hatred was truth, and selflessness was unattainable, I have taken you for granted.
In always seeking relativism, I lost sense of the undeniable essentialism.

He came to my bedroom,
But I was asleep.

In seclusion, I am all but an investor.
In convincing myself that a skeptical stance and questioning nature were the only ways to receive you, I released my grasp on trust and hope for its own sake.

And he woke me up again,
to say...

In hating you I suffered. In envying you I suffered.
In caring about the wrong things, in running to false solutions, in seeking temporary security, I am gradually broken.

Hallelujah.

I told him all I ever wanted was to live in freedom. He turned on Solomon Burke's None of us are Free and I wish I lived that as an anthem. I knew that confrontation was the solution over retreat, and he said Salvation is not hard to find. He is more correct with each passing day, because he said the world is getting smaller each passing day. And while I'm afraid time is passing me by, he whispered one of us is chained and I couldn't help but take a breath to quell my nerves. I told him I was sorry, but admitted I was primarily seeking forgiveness from myself. And he told me to let go, get up, and walk.

Hallelujah.
holy, holy, is the sound

cow bell

I've been working on a paper for what seems like the entire day non-stop and all I've got to show for it is two pages of frustrated words jammed together.

To conclude, I would so rather be dancing right now.
Tahiti 80 knows how to work the skinny.

desparation #2

I typed in Naked as We Came into Pandora's playlist but soon turned it off as the lyrics were far too depressing.

We may ask for honesty, but it hurts to get it sometimes.

I haven't been listening, I've only been passively accepting and inwardly rejecting and mentally complaining and physically depriving.
So help me hear and trust and obey in thanksgiving, because there's not much else I can go on. Help me find the intrinsic value that none of us can see or touch, but that is real.

desparation

wait

let me leave

away from here ...

I don't want to face the tougest months. I don't welcome the spring, because it triggers the onset of allergies and sinuses, deadlines, the culmination of stress and expectations, judgments, punishments, and uncertainty. Worn out before I have begun, nothing is romantic.

positivism/lies

Look no further

It's in our hands, it always was
It's all there, in our hands

To be honest, I don't know when to run, when to enter, when to exit. When to walk, and what casual is. To think, to stop, to breathe, and to open the door.

Is this routine or is it truth? What exactly are we trying to change?
And at what point can I let go?
I could never really appreciate your simple statements because I always believed they were void of any real or practical thought. But sometimes I feel as though this is an age for clichés and that the hope has existed because it is, if nothing else, supremely functional.

Well,
Aren't we scaring ourselves
Unnecessarily?
Aren't we trying too hard?

I subscribed to the ideal of wide open spaces a long time ago but haven’t been able to appreciate it in its fullness. I’m looking in the wrong places, closed spaces.

'Cause it's in our hands
It's in our hands
It's all here, it's in our hands

I miss mama. To love, feel loved, and revel and rest at the glory of creation.

So I’m going to try something new.
Speaking before I learn to talk.
Walking before I get there.
Adversity before growth.
After death there is new birth, for what it’s worth.

the most beautiful thing i've heard today

amidst all of the distasteful, misguided music today, it is nicely refreshing to return to an era where voice - the key instrument - was central to the song. while we may mourn the passing of phenomenal voices today to drugs, fame, the problems that be, perhaps our energies are better spent realizing that past greats are exactly that - past - and all we have to do is dig up the record vault to rediscover what made us fall in love with them in the first place. and so, today we recall boyz II men, the best RnB group and beautiful harmonies of all time: