this time last year

what's stopping me from being happy?

i can't believe it, or haven't yet.
subversive discourse, subversive discourse.

11:00am meeting, 2:10am posting

I thought I had killed the ivy plant in the white plastic pot. But evidently I didn't truly believe that, or else I wouldn't have placed it in Mel's room and deliberately opened the curtains to expose it to as much light as possible. I wouldn't have plucked the dried-out, colorless leaves only to leave the stems naked and exposed. A few weeks have since passed with the occassional watering. It really isn't that surprising that new green shoots have emerged. The few sprouting leaves are that shiny, waxy new green color. I really should have expected nothing less.


Today I truly feel that this year will truly be my most exciting, and my most frightening one yet.

a day in the life

Today I woke up at 8:25am and then went back to bed. Then I got out of bed at 11am.
Then I mixed my apple sauce with the oat porridge and slices of banana until it was all a mushy consistency (of mush). Then I ate it (slowly, because it was rather gross).
Then I read about globalization/imperialism. I boiled water a few times and poured it into my mug so that I could drink it. Then I drank it.
At night I had soup from a can and leftover mashed potatoes. For a treat I drank cranberry juice bought by Sarah mixed with diluted orange juice and aloe vera jelly.
After ample procrastination and a lack of motivation to do anything, I must resume reading about how to start socialist movements in this imperialist world.
Tonight I will sleep and tomorrow the day shall repeat itself. The menu will repeat itself too until this stomach (flu?) dies out.

but what is prison?

this post comes at the re-realization that I have become stone, in the rain and in the sun. i remember times when I could move, with the wind and with the stillness.
this is an apology first and foremost to myself and to the world for my misguided dispositions, my confusion of priorities, my denigration of faith. I can't say that anything is different to make me change my mind, or that my mind is being changed to see things any differently. but I will say that at the core of it all there is so much more than this, and there is where i realize that I don't want to lose you, and I don't want to regret what hasn't been.